One of the oft asked questions we face is about children, more specifically if we have them and if not when will we have them. It is likely that the questions are asked with the best of intentions; people ask it out of general curiosity and a desire to build commonalities. It is our response that creates discomfort, “No and we don’t know.” It is the truth.
Maybe that is the problem, that the ambiguity of the truth does not sit so well we people, either that or it appears that we are dashing attempts at bridge building. The fact is that the question is an uncomfortable one for us. We talk about starting a family frequently but it is more complicated than a simple decision about when to start and it is that complexity that we don’t want to share beyond ourselves, our immediate families, and in this case the handful of readers perusing this blog.
We have tried, approaching it with more science than pleasure and the result is that we have cats not kids–in actuality is is two cats, one dog, a very shy fresh water catfish, and four thirsty houseplants. At this point, it seems that we have both given up and are grasping for rationalities such as health, finance, and even emotional capacity. That is what makes the confused, sometimes a touch disdainful, looks following our indeterminate answers sting a little. It is because we are asking the same questions, “Why not?”
Why not. I am past the threshold of thirty; finally, a homeowner. Most of my friends are working on a second child or already have filled their homes. Our parents slaver at the thought of a grandchild yet we hesitate. We fill our minds with arguments against it: “We should be in the house longer,” “We should wait until we have a little more money,” “I cannot even remember to water the plants of feed the pets.”
It is notion that our rationalizations are some form of conditioned existential angst that irritates me further. If my internal dialog could just settle on the fact that it is really alright that we are childless that we could both look into each others eyes without a nagging what if tugging at the back of our thoughts I would not feel compelled to discuss it. Sometimes we get there, where second guessing takes a back seat and we are happy where we are at the moment. Once we are comfortable the question comes, either a stranger or person who asks it at least once a month, “When are you two going to start a family?”
You will never be “ready”.. Nothing you do will ever prepare you for the reality of having kids - kids who are with you 24/7 and initially need you for virtually everything that they do. Consider it an investment of yourselves in the most rewarding and worthwhile project you ever considered. And there is no return once that threshold is crossed - “do, or do not, there is no ‘try’”
-Silas, father of 3
“do, or do not, there is no ‘try’”
LOL! Well, the try was more in terms of getting to parenthood. I certainly don’t want to end up on Springer so if we have ‘em we’ll raise ‘em! My folks had me on the cusp of 40 so there is a little time left to get our bearings, especially since “Management” is still in her 20’s.