Normally, I would tell you that it isn’t worth it but today I’m feeling gracious as I managed to finish that 98 box and the client tossed a little extra into the check. So here are a couple of simple rules to help you get by and keep your Windows PC operational and running clean.

• Update! Staying on top of security updates from Microsoft is one of the more important things you can do whether you are running XP SP2 or Windows 95. Just go to Windows Update and do it!
• Anti-Virus! This ranks up there with security fixes. Face it, Windows was not designed with security in mind and therefore is susceptible to any number of attack methods so get yourself some anti-virus software, keep it up to date, and please make sure you maintain the software contract as old definitions only protect you from old threats.
• Anti-Spyware! If you are one of those people that insists that IE does for them and there is no reason to grab Firefox or Opera or if you are one of those types that is a sucker for pop-ups that insist that your PC’s performance is lacking or what you really need are some casino games on your PC than you need packages like Spybot or Ad-Aware. Irregardless you should run these apps regularly just to be aware of what gets left on your PC after surfing.
• Software Firewall! First off, if you are on broadband you should be running behind a router and it doesn’t matter if there is only one PC, the protection is necessary. That said, software firewalls–packet filters actually–are a great way to prevent unauthorized applications from connecting in or out of your PC. Run one and keep the rules tight.
• Get Intimate! Get to know what processes should be running and what processes probably shouldn’t, Task Manager is a great tool for this as well as is Hijack This. Knowing what applications and services normally run can better assist you in troubleshooting a viral or malware outbreak as you’ll have a good idea of the number of apps and their relative footprints when your machine is healthy.

This is by no means comprehensive nor set in stone and it will not necessarily prevent problems nor will it necessarily fix them if you encounter them. I assume no responsibility for your irresponsibility.

So around 6 pm, after walking the dog, I figured I was ready to button things up. Things seemed to be running fine, drivers were all installed and I was preparing to start service packing the system when one little thing went amiss. First it started with secur32.dll is missing or corrupt. Just out of the blue that message pops while the system is idle at the desktop. So I hunt for the file and sure enough, missing. Alright, I’ll re-install it using SFC. I put it back and reboot only to be presented with “ATA66 BIOS driver not present” when the OS is strapping which leave me at the blinking cursor. No safe mode. Nothing. About all I can conjure up is a choking murmur of despair.

So here’s where it takes an odd turn. Thankfully, I still had the original hard drive, untouched and filled to the rim with rootkits, trojans, worms, and various other forms of malware so I swapped the drives and what do you know, the system boots. After some 8 hours of work I am right back to square one so I decide to go the Windows 2000 route, damn their kids games. After 2 hours of prepping the drive the system won’t boot, same error, “ATA66 BIOS driver not present”. By 9 pm I was defeated. Redmond had pounded that smirk off my face and left me a quivering bundle of skin and bones. I hate my life and curse myself for taking this job.

Resigned I slowly placed the original hard drive back into the cage and began anew cleaning out the first line of viruses by hand while in safe mode. Since the CD drive is disabled in safe-mode I need to book back to normal mode and copy McAfee off the disc. With only seconds to spare the copy is done when the system locks up with a kernel32 error. Thankfully, I can still boot to safe mode and am able to install and run McAfee. After 3 hours of scanning it only dredges up 100 viruses and assorted ad/malware, I expected more. With renewed confidence I reboot the machine into normal mode only to find that the network card is no longer operational. Again with the cursing of myself.

As the night creeps along past midnight, I uninstall the card then reboot. It detects it and installs the drivers but I am confronted with McAfee detecting a trojan at the same time. System locks up. Reboot. Card works. Another trojan. Re-scan. Nothing. Rescan again. I crawl into bed dreaming of what it would be like to slip Ubuntu about the tired shoulders of this poor PC.

Awake and not so refreshed at 5:30 am I shuffle back to the silicon demon I have now been wrangling for some 10 hours. So now my plan is to get the system operational and functional and hand it back to them at a reduced charge. For my own sanity, and Management’s, I think I’m going to take a break from fixing PCs for a bit. This experience has been harrowing, frustrating, ulcer inducing, and makes me wholly appreciate my Linux network. Windows is broken.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve been fixing PCs on the side–so far all Windows machines, little wonder that is–and I have finally reached my threshold for the 9x family. Yesterday I picked up a Windows 98 machine that the owner wanted upgraded to 98 SE, they had a disc why they waited some seven years is another question, and they wanted it cleaned of malware and viruses. No big deal, right? Wrong. The machine was infested, badly, and I estimated it would be a 10 hour cleaning at my hourly rate which would be a giant bill. So I offered the next best solution, for a flat fee I would supply another hard drive with 98 SE installed and service packed, as well as installing a 60 day trial of Norton AV (yes, root kits and all), Firefox, Spybot, and Open Office. Sounds good so far. Wrong again.

The trouble I’m encountering is that 9x’s hardware support is even worse than nearly all of the Linux distros I have used and this is the hardware original to the machine. Add the fact that it is some exotic Dell build when they were using ATA/66 PCI controller cards rather than having it burned on the board is a recipe for disaster. The first hurdle was to just get the new disc formated and the OS strapped. It was not happening on the Dell because the install disc would choke when trying to communicate with the drive. So I had to fish out another plain box and perform all the tasks up to the reboot at which point I needed to yank it and drop it back into the Dell. Working that out took some 3 hours of trial and error with the majority of errors being carbon based. Next up, drivers.

Thankfully, Dell’s service numbering system works like a charm and I was able to track down nearly all the drivers, excepting those that the owner added later. However, actually installing them in another matter as 98 wants to keep referring back to the source disc to crack open CABs for this and that which 9 times out of 10 results in it saying the driver was installed when actually it was not. I’m down to the network card and some bizarro PCI bus issue which I’m guessing is the chipset but with each attempt and subsequent failure I’m watching my GP nosedive.

But hey, Redmond, keep it up!  You are helping keep my wife in shoes with your crufted up, broken ass OSes and she thanks you for it!