A friend and I were chatting the other day about how we each define the notion of adulthood and how we have be boiled down to three essential events: Marriage, Home Ownership, and Child Rearing. Now, for certain, none of these is a measure of maturity, responsibility, or preparedness. They are just three random events that we both thought are the best indicators of when society at large would stamp your papers and usher you into the exclusive club of grown ups. The thing of it is that as Management and I check off the last box neither of us feels very grown up at all and we are left wondering if others feel the same as we do.
Is “Adulthood” a real mental state or is it some arbitrary construct used to divide those towing the line of society at large and those who are not? Management and I have friends at the same stage as we are who certainly seem more adult than we by being more staid, reserved, and possibly a touch dour–maybe having children does that–as well as friends married for a couple of years who seem stuck in neutral at 15. We seem to fall somewhere in the middle straddling the line between acting responsible and essentially flitting about in a place where Oreos and cold pizza is a complete breakfast, cartoons are for any hour of the day all week long, and getting new music each month is a necessity on par with making sure we pay for heating oil in the middle of January. Does that make us less grownup than the people who obsess over their lawns, window treatments, and gutters? To me those things are just one of the costs of having a place to run servers, play video games, or pile books.
The only thing I want to be is a good father and if that means wearing dad-plaid, tucking my t-shirts into my jeans, and having an overwhelming sense of urgency about the “Grub Problem” with the lawn then so be it, I’ll make the necessary sacrifices to do it. In my heart, though, that little Peter Pan voice is yelling, “For the love of all that is decent at least make sure a little Monsieur Leroc is spinning in the background and sneak a little time to catch the latest Venture Brothers!”
Tags: Aging, Baby, Family, Growing-Up, Thinking
Don’t worry about it - acting grown-up is an entirely optional part of parenthood. Willingness to crawl around the floor/watch cartoons/be covered in milky sick are more to the point. Inevitably you will start to take interest in things you would have once found unthinkable but that’s, as they say, life.
LOL! Seeing as how I’m on litter box patrol I get the distinct feeling that I’ll be working vomit duty and I’m all about crawling around on the floor and watching cartoons. Talking about seeders though….
The answer is simple. Be yourself. Terms & perceptions are constructs therefore generally insignificant.
Sonny and I have this discussion all the time. We don’t feel like grown-ups. I’m 30 and I can’t really define that. I can’t believe that there’s someone that calls me “mommy”! I would advocate just being you. My parents were young and a little cool (cough). My dad used to take me to all sorts of rock concerts, and he had punk records that he’d listen to. I liked that part of my childhood. The other morning I wasn’t ready to make breakfast yet, so Jake and I started the day with a handful of cookies. I just called it a “poor parenting day” and moved on. You never know if those are doing to be the days they look back on fondly!
Growing up isn’t caused by events. Growing up doesn’t happen at a certain age. It’s completely random, & will happen after you’ve thought it’s already happened. (I declared myself grown up maybe 5 times, starting at age 13. “I am GROWN!”)
It sneaks up on you, says boo, & you suddenly realize, “wow, I grew up & have no clue when I did it.”
Heh, I’m 0 for 3 on your checklist at 37 years old. Then again, I think society is over-rated.