Anxiety is a strange beast. There are times when it gnaws on your bones, cracking them to suck the marrow out. Times when it perches on your shoulder, breath hot and moist on your ear, nattering quietly. Today, however, is that time when it has you boxed in, turning you about with quick prods that sets your skin tingling.

Last night, I lay awake running through the classic triptych of worry: time, money, family. Will I have enough time? What if I don’t have enough money? How will my family provide for itself. Uncertainty mixed with anticipation makes for a potent cocktail, one whose effects are slow building but are amplified by my own feedback loops. The back of my eyes ache from this miasma I am creating.

I suspect that when I first hold my daughter it will be as if I rushed headlong into a brick wall attempting to vault it only to find myself sitting hard upon the ground, lights blinking and swimming before my eyes. Humbled, as I realize a greater gravity that binds me to this earth.

Tags: Family, Insomnia, Pregnancy, Thinking

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 21st, 2006 at 10:41 am and is filed under Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.