Posts Tagged ‘Memories’

My First Kiss

Friday, October 5th, 2007

This morning I found this waiting in my inbox,

J. added you as a friend on Facebook. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, friends with Jennifer.

J. says, “You were the first person I ever kissed….”

First let me lobe my excuse out there by saying I have a Facebook account because of work, we made a Facebook app, and I barely use the thing because, well, honestly I am just not very social. Yes, very contrarian in light of all the Web 2.0 hype.

I sat in stunned silence. She was also the first person I ever kissed, and honestly, the only until I graduated high school. I was in eighth grade and she in seventh. I played hockey with her brother and while she came to many of the games I’m not really sure how we even struck up what was the briefest of romances. My memory recalls it was built on that one kiss and maybe a handful of phone calls and that it burned out nearly as quickly as it started.

If the nature of our relationship escapes me that moment lingers in my memory. At the bottom of a stairwell, the buses idling outside waiting to bring everyone home, we shared a quick kiss. Not a peck, or a brushing of lips, but something that had the first ache of passion intermingled with a confused innocence. A teacher came down the stairs and we broke our embrace hastily and attempted a posture of obvious nonchalance which, in retrospect, was laughable. But that was it.

As an eighth grader I was graced with being socially awkward, overweight, and had decided at the time that long hair looked damn fine on me. Not much has changed except that now I shave my head. But the kiss and the bruised feeling when it ended darkened how I saw love and relationships. The bitter taste, something that should have been rinsed out with adolescent living, lingered and eventually festered into cynicism. It is a failing of mine, obsessive tenacity, and I certainly bear no ill feelings because of the fickleness that guides decisions at that age.

Sitting here, some twenty years later, and it is surprising how sharp those feelings can still be, the warmth of her breath followed by the cold weight of rejection. Even stranger how after all these years a single auto-generated email can have those memories surge forward as if that moment had just passed. I wonder what made her think of that moment.

Memories like clouds

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

Memories like clouds

Where’s Your Head At?

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

At the moment, I’m in the middle of another shift in my listening habits, a fairly sizable one. For years I’ve been neck deep in Electronic and Hip Hop with occasional forays into Jazz and even rarer ones into the Rock, Country, and Folk diaspora. Something about synthetic beats with warm and sticky rhythms and mechanical melodies grabbed me. I hungered for dystopian tracks that spoke of a near future urban sprawl but something has been shifting in me and I’m finding my fingers crawling out in search of something more organic, something human.

Looking over the past three months of purchases sees this trend growing:

  1. The Hold Steady – Boys and Girls in America
  2. Katharine Whalen – Dirty Little Secret
  3. Jas. Mathus – Old School Hot Wings
  4. The Blue Van – Dear Independence
  5. Horses Brawl – Horses Brawl
  6. Thievery Corporation – Versions
  7. Luke Vibert – Lover’s Acid
  8. Luomo – Paper Tigers
  9. Ad Astra Per Aspera – Catapult Calypso
  10. John Coltrane – Fearless Leader
  11. Charles Mingus Presents Charles Mingus
  12. Radio Citizen – Berlin Serengeti
  13. Paris Combo – Motifs
  14. Willowtree – What a Way to Go!
  15. The Black Neon – Arts & Crafts
  16. Ratatat – Classics
  17. Monsieur Leroc – I’m Not Young But I Need The Money
  18. The Contingencies – Viva Ole
  19. Bobby Hughes Combination – Nhu Golden Era
  20. Marc Mac pres. Visioneers – Dirty Old Hip Hop
  21. Wale Oyejide – Africa Hot! The Afrofuture Sessions
  22. Nomo – New Tones
  23. The Format – Dog Problems
  24. Quantic – An Announcement to Answer
  25. Thomas Mapfumo – Spirits To Bite Our Ears : The Singles Collection 1977-1986

Out of twenty-five albums, fifteen are unrelated to Electronic or Hip Hop and a handful that I did not highlight sort of occupy a space that isn’t quite really Electronic nor quite the organic feel of Rock or Jazz. This, so far, has seen me snap up five albums completely out of my normal element. So what’s with the shift?

Nostalgia. Well, that’s the lame ass theory I’m running with anyways. Looking back over my review for The Contingencies where I raved about a sound that leans way back but charges forward fueled by straight ahead guitar arrangements. After having snapped up that album along with Willowtree my ears felt thirsty for shorter, tighter, more aggressive arrangements. Not necessarily Punk or Thrash but sounds that left me warm all over reminiscing about practicing all weekend in the drummer’s half-heated garage, fingers stiff from the cold and swollen from pounding out song after song, never getting motivated enough to get a gig even at the local dives because really all we wanted to do was play.

Seems odd to think that after dropping out from the Daddy’s Junky Music and Sam Ash groupie scene that I would throw myself at music on the opposite spectrum but for a good eight years close to 80% of what I’ve been listening to could be classified as MPC/Pro-Tools music which is a far cry from the gritty Rock and Punk fueled Blues arrangements I cut my teeth on back in high school and my first tour of duty through college.

Recapturing lost youth on the eve of my first child? Yeah, that is the most likely answer here that and an astounding sense of ennui with what I have been listening to over the past year or so; that crushing feeling of “meh” has been heavy as of late and these last couple of selections have gotten me feeling a little more fired up about music.  If anything, my restless tastes result in a wide and varied selection and I can hope that our daughter, as she gets older, might find herself pawing through it on late nights like I did as a kid with my parents collection.

Dreaming of a Nikon D50

Monday, June 26th, 2006

Nikon D50My lust list continues to grow, mostly because I’m better at list making than actually breaking down and purchasing anything on them. However, since the time that Management and I first broached the topic of having a kid I always tacked on a DSLR as a required contingency. Honestly, how could I call myself a good parent if I were not documenting my child’s formative years with the best digital photography equipment that I could afford.

To torture myself I’ve begun researching cameras and think that I have settled on the Nikon D50, the D70s is too rich for my blood and the Canon EOS Rebel XT feels a might bit janky. Ritz seems to have a good price on it with a bundled Quantaray 28-90mm F/3.3-5.6 Lens for $549.99. Now, I’m not a photography professional–I occasionally play one on the Internet but only when trolling–and it is possible that a DSLR is overkill but I want features, customizability, and the flexibility that one offers. Plus they look damn cool.

Anyone out there among my meager readership have any suggestions on DSLR cameras? Is the D50 the best in its group?

Long, reflective weekend

Tuesday, May 30th, 2006

I had taken this past Friday off to drive my mother to the hospital for surgery and while it was a fairly routine sort of surgery her health history and the impending arrival of our first child left me with the sharp taste anxiety that lingered all weekend. It was actually on both our minds as Management and I stumbled into one of those difficult conversations that circle what-ifs like so many vultures riding on thermals waiting. I suppose that like most children I have taken my parents’ continued presence for granted, they have always been there so on some emotional level it feels as if they will always be there but on Friday at five in the morning they both looked so frail and so corporeal.

There is this sort of desperation that gnaws at me. I want for my mother to know her grandchild and for my child to know her in turn but I am consumed by worry that there will not be time enough–worry seems to be a common theme around here. I suppose what touched off this bout of anxiety was my conversation with my mother a couple of days before I took her to the hospital where she wanted to let me know how important it would be to her and my father if they could be a apart of their grandchild’s life and that they really would like to share some of the duties of watching the baby while we are at work. Now having a family tug-of-war over daycare slots is an ideal situation but it left me wondering if either set of grandparents will feel like they are getting the short end of the deal and will there be enough time for everyone to know each other.

Will my child grow up to remember the grandparents with the sprawling garden and steamy greenhouse? Will they remember feeding the koi in the pond with their grandmother or how if they asked their grandfather a question a felt-tip pen and napkin would invariably enter the process of answering as would several very old and dusty books? Will they remember how Sundays are when Polkas are played on the radio even though both grandparents comment on how corny and silly they are or how when the Polka gives way to Reggae their grandfather will leap to change the station but their grandmother would scold him by saying “It’s fun to dance to!” as she did a little skittering jig across the kitchen?

Following in my family’s footsteps, I never remember the camera and if perchance I do I never think to take pictures. Memories are less than tangible, cluttered in my mind and inaccessible to all, even myself sometimes. I wonder if I should buy a video camera next year so that we might all remember my parents idiosyncrasies as well as all those little quirks of life. That is if I remember to charge the battery.